When you’re in the midst of a difficulty, life can feel very complicated. And like a mouse dashing around a maze, the more you run, the more lost you can get.
Feeling bad distorts your thinking and means you can’t do the things that would help you.
In my coaching and therapy, I keep things simple. Because simple is practical and means we can do something. We’re not trying to write an encyclopedia. We’re helping you ‘work’ in the way you would like.
A map is useful precisely because it draws out the important features and helps you know which way to go.
That’s part of my job – to highlight the important features so you can find your way.
Emotional Nutrition
Like a plant that needs sunshine, water and nutrients, you thrive when you get what you naturally need as a human being – attention, community, relaxation, purpose, intimacy, good nutrition and security. When some of those primal needs are not met then other parts of your system can misfire.
Part of therapy is checking your needs are being met healthily. And if they aren’t, to identify ways in which you can do that.
Many seemingly insoluble problems begin to unravel when you have the right emotional nutrition.
Untangling Knots
The way you handle a life situation flows (for better or for worse) from a self-reinforcing loop
- How you FEEL
- How you THINK about it
- WHAT YOU DO
Often this loop works just fine. But sometimes it can get dragged off track. You feel bad. Your thinking tightens up. And you the things you do seem to make everything worse. It’s like being bound up in a knot.
Therapy (with me, anyway) helps you untangle that knot by helping you
- calming distressing emotions
- become more supportive of yourself in how you think about things
- act more effectively by developing your skills
When you do that, life gets better.
Solution-Focused Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy
So that mouthful of jargon is what I do. Let me explain what it means and why.
Solution-Focussed
We will definitely talk about what’s bothering you and the history of it. Understanding what’s going on will build your self awareness for now and the future. But we will just as much be talking about how you would like things to be.
This means we
- know where we are going
- have a direction and know what ‘success’ is
- will know when we’ve got there
When you have a problem, it’s natural to have that problem going round and round in your head. Therapy styles that encourage even more rumination on the past and on things you can’t control can make things worse. We want to start introducing new horizons and helping you get there.
Cognitive, Behavioural
You’ll have heard these terms from CBT – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
Cognitive means loosening up ‘stuck’ thinking.
Behavioural means seeing what you can do to help yourself get your needs met, build your confidence and start creating changes in how you show up in the world.
Hypnotherapy
You’ll have noticed that CBT misses a part out of the Feel – Think – Do cycle. The feeling part. That’s crucial. And that’s one way hypnosis helps.
Emotions make us stupid. Have you tried arguing with an angry person? Or trying to ‘cheer up’ someone who is depressed? It doesn’t work. How they feel is locking up their thinking. When you can calm your emotions, your thinking can become more flexible and better and finding creative solutions.
Hypnosis helps you re-learn instinctive unconscious responses, calm distressing emotions and memories and access new ways of thinking and acting.
Therapy and Coaching
What’s the difference between therapy and coaching? There is no difference between “therapy” and “coaching” from my perspective — I’m always helping you get from point ‘A’ in your life to point ‘B’. The difference is more whether you see what you’re experiencing as a ‘bad thing’ to be overcome or a ‘good thing’ you want to achieve in the future. They mirror each other. One client might say “I want to get over my anxiety.” Another might say “I want to enjoy my life more.”
I don’t think you’re broken. You have resources and skills you can use or develop that will help you reach your next goal or overcome your current challenge. If you’re struggling to make the most of them by yourself, such as if you are depressed, then I will tend to give a bit more guidance while helping you regain self reliance at the same time. As you come back to yourself and feel more empowered, you will naturally be back in the driver’s seat.
Give Me a Call
If you’d like to ask about therapy and coaching to help you get to where you want to be, give me a call on 01273 732690 in office hours (leave a message telling me a good time to call you back if I’m with someone else) or send me a message using the contact form. Sessions last about an hour and a half. I then follow up by email with any notes or therapeutic tasks or exercises we have agreed. I charge £50.
I usually use Skype or phone so I can work with anyone but if you are near Brighton UK, it may be possible to arrange a meeting in person.
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